You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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