If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im part way to drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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