I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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