i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
