I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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