You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
