i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
