I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
