he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
