My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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