Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
