You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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