YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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