hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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