I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
