I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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