Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
