Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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