I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
