she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
