I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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