the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
