I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
