Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
