I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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