btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
