Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
