There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
