he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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