Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
