the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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