Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
