My brain says no but my pants say off.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
