RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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