I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
