Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
