I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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