I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
