I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
