She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
