You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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