wat bout pragnant strippers??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
