Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
