At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
