i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
