Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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