You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
