is wine microwaveable?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
