hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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