P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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