ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
