Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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