Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
