Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
