I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
