Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
